Exhaustion and also a few other things

I am exhausted in several different ways.

I wish that i did not have to paint.

I wish that I had clarity in one situation that has been ongoing for months now.

(wishing that it would be yes or no)

I am not prepared for my critique tomorrow.

I am listening to bad radio right now.

What are you doing?

help!

things as of late

latest ailment: oral candida

latest excitement: spring break, seeing my family, seeing my man, getting straight A's on midterms

latest frustration: Bethel University's uncooperative nature over my transcripts and credit transfer to Hope. I do not want to have to request a transcript that should have been transferred three months ago. Irresponsible, Bethel. Irresponsible.

latest music obsession: Best Friends Forever

latest artist obsession: Henry Darger

ed

artisan of feverish displays

of muscles lit on fire

of dirty spoons

maker of holy things

and secrets.

builder of boxes

and my keeper of affect

blazing white-hot steel

bending rusty nails

feeler of desertion

and my pretender.

artisan of valued heaps

of wet tea bags

and of flattened utensils

of torn plastic.

preacher of failure

of discontent

believer in silence

and maker of reality

artisan of absence

of tangible nothingness

and of you being gone

or wanting to be gone.

my head in front of your head

my latest favorite song is "my head in front of your head " by Best Friends Forever. I like it almost to the point of wanting it to play at my hypothetical wedding. There is just something about incorporating historical figures and lo-fi music that is incredibly alluring to me. there are some lyrics:

Abraham Lincoln,

I would like to go back in time

and be your wife,

not because I'd be the first lady,

but because I think you're charming.

...

I would have recited Shakespeare with you

Let you read all the good lines

in other news, i had 3 german papers, 2 paintings, 1 final exam, and a ten page paper all due today. Point being: I have not slept yet in the past 24-48 hours.