It's Good to Know

When I was 16 years old I tried to convince myself that

I was not interested in contemporary art. All I have to say about that is ..."lol"

tara donovan

lynda benglis

christian marclay

yves klein

Headaches

I have been getting headaches everyday in my eyeballs. It is to the point where I feel like i need to get a professional massage, but only for my eyeballs.

haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXo7qtsGX8Y

currently love

Cy Twombly

today was a good day

i have been looking out the window of

the library for about 5 minutes which feels like

45 minutes wondering if

i should go buy a cup of coffee.

(i got the coffee)

one small cup costing $1.50

i put my money in the to-go mug because i was

presumably "in a hurry?"

So I didn't have to wait in line

three men in uniform

is it for the army

watched me fill up my cup

did they think I was stealing?

who would steal that coffee anyway

because it tastes like hot piss

most of the time, mixed

with cream and sugar

walking with it in my hand forces drips

out of the oval mouth hole of

the lid onto the surface and

I feel obliged to lick it even

though now it tastes like

cold piss mixed with cream and sugar

in other news

i must be suffering from seasonal depression. or maybe i am wallowing in the fact that 95% of the people my housemates and i invited to our neighborhood potluck did not show up.

the confusing part about this situation is that we are all pretty good party planners, and we were offering free dinner. So... why not show up?

my approaching life

I've been so overwhelmed these past few months about so many different things. I guess right now the only thing that i have to be overwhelmed about is that i am going to graduate in 4 months.

because then what in the world am I going to do?

daughters

daughters of Jerusalem

becoming our mothers.

fasting from affection

we write our hearts in letters

that no one will see.

daughters of Jerusalem

hold fast to your body

(the wellspring of life)

be warm and not cold

a home to everyone

daughters of Jerusalem

living outside

breathing in words

to keep us from speaking

please make me a treasure

to be held in wonder

to be cherished and loved

make me a woman

who is wise and slow to act

so that I can be straight in you

and soft in heart

Fungi

pictures of fungi that I did not take:

Exhaustion and also a few other things

I am exhausted in several different ways.

I wish that i did not have to paint.

I wish that I had clarity in one situation that has been ongoing for months now.

(wishing that it would be yes or no)

I am not prepared for my critique tomorrow.

I am listening to bad radio right now.

What are you doing?

help!

things as of late

latest ailment: oral candida

latest excitement: spring break, seeing my family, seeing my man, getting straight A's on midterms

latest frustration: Bethel University's uncooperative nature over my transcripts and credit transfer to Hope. I do not want to have to request a transcript that should have been transferred three months ago. Irresponsible, Bethel. Irresponsible.

latest music obsession: Best Friends Forever

latest artist obsession: Henry Darger

ed

artisan of feverish displays

of muscles lit on fire

of dirty spoons

maker of holy things

and secrets.

builder of boxes

and my keeper of affect

blazing white-hot steel

bending rusty nails

feeler of desertion

and my pretender.

artisan of valued heaps

of wet tea bags

and of flattened utensils

of torn plastic.

preacher of failure

of discontent

believer in silence

and maker of reality

artisan of absence

of tangible nothingness

and of you being gone

or wanting to be gone.

my head in front of your head

my latest favorite song is "my head in front of your head " by Best Friends Forever. I like it almost to the point of wanting it to play at my hypothetical wedding. There is just something about incorporating historical figures and lo-fi music that is incredibly alluring to me. there are some lyrics:

Abraham Lincoln,

I would like to go back in time

and be your wife,

not because I'd be the first lady,

but because I think you're charming.

...

I would have recited Shakespeare with you

Let you read all the good lines

in other news, i had 3 german papers, 2 paintings, 1 final exam, and a ten page paper all due today. Point being: I have not slept yet in the past 24-48 hours.

Upgrade You

I can't help but post about Beyonce again. There are just so many things about the woman that are impressive.

Here are the videos I have been watching over and over and over again lately:

Upgrade U

Freakum Dress

Not only is Beyonce a grown ass woman, but she also just does whatever she wants. I am impressed with her marriage to Jay-z, because they are both as successful as they have ever been.

As part of a secret online women's society, I have a growing appreciation for powerful women in our culture. Beyonce is probably the greatest, but these women are also definitely worth mentioning:

Uma Thurman

Natalie Portman

Meryl Streep

Bettie Paige

Marylin Monroe

Sister Mary Giles

This is a work-in-progress list.

The latest news from the Hope College front is that my prof from New York, John Silvis is here today! I am going to get coffee with him and Chelsea, and then sit in on the information meeting about NYCAMS. I think it's fun when I get to be a representative for different programs.

Also I've just been generally very happy, and that's probably due to one person in particular.

whoa

three things about this weekend that were good or strange:

the cashore marionette show: the marionettes were incredibly well crafted, everyone in the audience looks like drama professors, it was sold out

the alumni club was here: except they didn't get here until 7 am on sunday morning, it was mike's birthday, the dudes stayed for a second day, it was really really great

went to the Windmill twice: jamison paid for mike and i the second time, also got the breakfast sandwich, also just... so good.

The Grammys

I normally don't watch any awards shows, mostly because they are too long and I end up not knowing half of the people that are on it.

This year, though, I had to watch the Grammys because Beyonce was performing. As of 2009, I have realized a full-blown obsession with Beyonce. Basically, she is my role model, for so many reason. These photos are just a few reasons.

All of these photos are stills from Beyonce's new video "Videophone" featuring Lady Gaga. I have to say, Lady Gaga looks like an emaciated alien next to Beyonce. Not only are her eyes blazing read, but she also doesn't have a clue how to move her body. Beyonce, on the other hand, has such incredibly powerful moves. Here is a link to the video so you can see for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGkvXp0vdng

The first time I watched this video felt like I had motion sickness. Then, I had to watch it again because i couldn't even believe what I saw. I would venture to say that Beyonce is one of the most powerful woman forces in the world. My personal favorite look of hers from the video is when she is sporting the Bettie Page hairstyle. That is exactly how I want my hair to be. The fact that Beyonce wanted Lady Gaga in the video is a smart tactical move, and also very generous. In my opinion, Gaga has very little sustainable talent. Beyonce is helping her enjoy the fame while it lasts. I really think that by the end of 2010, Lady Gaga will be a fleeting memory. I mean, how many "funky" outfits can you really shock people with?

Not only do I respect Beyonce and Jay-Z's marriage, but also their talent and presence in the music industry. I think that they have a good amount of integrity behind what they do, and are surprisingly good at staying out of the tabloids.

Basically, Beyonce is taking over the world, and I fully support it.

Crossing Two State Lines, Twice in One Day.

i did that today.

For my Evolution of Dinosaurs class, we went on a field trip to the Field Museum in Chicago. Which mean that we took our HUGE "Hope College" bus...blue and orange all over it... down to indiana, and then over to Illinois. Michigan-Indiana-Illinois. It makes me feel weird that we can do that. Borders and state lines make me feel weird anyway.

So at the museum, my class walked in, sporting backpacks, and expressing enthusiasm over the dinosaur fossils we were about to see. I felt like i was 6 years old. Maybe that's because there were about 300 six year olds around us, also sporting backpacks and shaking with excitment.

I decided that I really like dinosaurs, and also don't understand how some people can deny their existence. My professor gets SO EXCITED about fossils and cladograms, so I feel like I have to be interested, just because he loves it so much. What a funny man!

While eating lunch in the basement of the museum, I talked with the two girls that i usually sit next to in class. Andi said that she was from around here (meaning chicago), and then we realized that we are from the same hometown...WHAT. I have literally been sitting next to her everyday for the past three weeks, and just found this out now.

LOVIN ALL OVER MY STUDIO.

Chelsea and I just built a desk for our studio...and it RULES. Also we hung up a piece of moldy backing board as a lampshade for our florescent light.

I was originally quite disappointed with having to share a studio space. After coming from NYCAMS, where i had my own, it really felt sub-par. But on the brighter side of things, Chelsea is the best studio mate to have. Which brings me to my original point... the desk. We found all this scrapwood in the sculpture studio and somehow screwed it together into a janky desk/shelving unit.

Here it is!

We were giddy about it.

I also gave an hour long presentation on Eric Fischl, Lucian Freud, Paula Rego, Chris Ofili, Maria Lassnig, and Marlene Dumas.

Here's a painting of Lassnig's:

I'm into it.

I'm also tired and have not eaten anything today yet but i think i'm going to go home and make some chicken immediately upon finishing this blog.

now.

lovin all over my friends!